Be Still

"Be still and know that I am God" - Psalms 46:10

I absolutely love this verse. Its so simple but it shows God's confidence and His power so much. "Just calm down and Be still!", thats how I feel that God is saying that to me like a true father would say to his child, a loving rebuke. This verse is so hard for me to follow though because inside me there is this longing to be a "self-made" man. I want to do everything with my own two hands. When I was younger and my parents used to nag me I used to tell them, "For one year, don't nag me about anything, and I'll show you what I can do". That year I worked my self into some Honor classes from all the "extra needs" classes that I was in, just to prove to them that if I wanted I can do it (after that year I dropped my honor classes and went back into reg. HAHA). I don't think being a designer or an artist helps either. We're taught to make things. To plan, to create, to visualize, to convince people with our words that our ideas are the best and in the end to come up with something tangible, something we can hold in our hands and show the world that WE are the ones who created it and designed it. We are the potter.

Lately I feel God telling me to be still. It really...it really kills me. I want to do something. Be active. Plan something. Convince someone. Or I don't know just be actively pursuing a goal. But I just can't get myself to. Sometimes I sit here and I feel so dap dap hae because I feel like I should be doing something but then I can't. I don't know if I'm explaining it right but its definitely not a feeling that I can explain fully. I feel like all of us try to do that. The world tells us "Take control of your life! If you want it pursue it! If you want it fight for it! If you want to make it happen!". But God sometimes just tells us..."Be still and know that I am God".

Today I've decided to be still. Whether it be work related, relationship related, family related, or future related...I'm going to just be still. I don't want to manipulate anything or taint anything with myself. Not that I want to sit here and be a bum but I want to know that everything was of God. I want to just be still and know that it was God and not me....

God...you better show yourself. HA!