Art of War

Sun Tzu said:

The control of a large force is the same principle as the control of a few men: it is merely a question  of dividing up their numbers.

Fighting with a large army under your command is nowise different from fighting with a small one: it is merely a question of instituting signs and signals.

To ensure that your whole host may withstand the brunt of the enemy's attack and remain unshaken -this is effected by maneuvers direct and indirect.

That the impact of your army may be like a grindstone dashed against an egg - this is effected by the science of weak points and strong

In all fighting, the direct method may be used for joining battle, but indirect methods will be needed in order to secure victory.

Indirect tactics, efficiently applied, are inexhaustible as Heaven and Earth, unending as the flow of rivers and streams; like the sun and moon, they end but to begin anew; like the four seasons, they pass away to return once more.

There are not more than five musical notes, yet the combinations of these five give rise to more melodies than can ever be heard.

There are not more than five primary colors (blue, yellow, red, white, and black), yet in combination they produced more hues than can ever been seen.

There are not more than five cardinal tastes (sour, acrid, salt, sweet, bitter) of them yield more flavors than can ever be tasted.

In battle, there are not more than two methods of attack - the direct and the indirect; yet these two in combination give rise to an endless series of manuers

The direct and the indirect lead on to each other in turn. It is like moving in a circle - you never come to an end. Who can exhaust the possibilities of their combination?

This songs been on my heart lately

(Verse 1)
All that I am, all that I have
I lay them down before you, oh Lord
All my regrets, all my acclaims
The joy and the pain, I'm making them yours

(Chorus)
Lord, I offer my life to you
Everything I've been through
Use it for your glory
Lord I offer my days to you
Lifting my praise to you
As a pleasing sacrifice
Lord I offer you my life

(Verse 2)
Things in the past, things yet unseen
Wishes and dreams that are yet to come true
All of my hopes, all of my plans
My heart and my hands are lifted to you

Longing

7When a Samaritan woman came to draw water, Jesus said to her, "Will you give me a drink?" 8(His disciples had gone into the town to buy food.) 9The Samaritan woman said to him, "You are a Jew and I am a Samaritan woman. How can you ask me for a drink?" (For Jews do not associate with Samaritans.[a]) 10Jesus answered her, "If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water." 11"Sir," the woman said, "you have nothing to draw with and the well is deep. Where can you get this living water? 12Are you greater than our father Jacob, who gave us the well and drank from it himself, as did also his sons and his flocks and herds?" 13Jesus answered, "Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, 14but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life."

There is a longing in my heart. A longing to be free. A longing to have no responsibilities. A longing to have to make no decisions. A longing to not have to do anything.

Sometimes when I feel a cold brisk breeze my hand goes up to my mouth as if I'm taking a drag of stoge. Sometimes when I feel stressed or tired my arm motions up as if I'm taking a sip of Jack on the Rocks and I blow out as if I'm smelling the alcohol on my breath. Sometimes when I'm driving I imagine myself going down the turnpike at 140mph per hour redlining every gear. Other times I want to go into a party and pick a fight with the biggest kid there just to feel the adrenaline again. To feel the heart pump, to feel the focus that comes from being in a high risk situation, the pins and needles that comes all over your face. Then I realize this...I'm longing for something. I long to have never taken that "green" pill where I realized everything I've been and done was a sinful rebellion against God. I long to be have stayed ignorant. Stress free. Worry free. I long to be "free" in my ignorance.

When I was purchasing my house, when I asked someone about debt they said "Everyone's in debt. The older you get the more debt you get into. The richest person really is the person in the least amount of debt." And I believed it. It made sense. You grow up you go to college, school debt. You get out you buy a car. Car debt. You grow up you get married. Wedding Debt. You have a family so you buy a house. Mortgage debt. Etc. Etc. Etc. Then I realize all these different debts, all these responsibilities, and have to's becomes chains, chains that bind you down to this world. You can't go when you want to. You can't act when you want to. Everything you do needs a decision and you need to worry about 10 other things in order to just do one thing. Then through all these things there comes a longing. Maybe thats why men go through Mid Life Crisis because by the time they get to that age they can't handle it anymore. Maybe thats why some people cheat? Because they have so much longing but they realize nothing in their lives satisfies so they go out to search for something new?

Lately, I've been feeling like this. I just want to grab my bag middle of the working day and walk out. Go to the nearest gas station fill up and start driving out west. I wish sometimes I lived in the mountains and the only decision I had to make was "what kind of animal am I gonna hunt to eat today?". Then today I realized this. All this longing that people have and that I have. Its just a superficial  and surface level sign of something so much deeper in the root of our hearts. Its a longing for God. Jeff Chang yesterday said something like "If you strive for Earth you won't get Heaven or Earth but if you Strive for Heaven you'll get Heaven and Earth" and He also said "If your joy and satisfaction is in Christ then everything else becomes that much better".

I think this is something we always have to remember. When I was reading about Daniel Fast and all these things one thing that I kept reminding myself was this fact "Most of the time when you feel hungry its not because you are actually lacking food. Its really because your body is dehydrated and your body is actually craving water". Most of us when we are hungry tend to stuff ourselves to satisfy our hungry, then we gain weight, become full to the point where we want to puke, become unhealthy, and miserable at the fact that we are fat. This happens I think when we forget that our longing really isn't a longing for Sin or this World rather its a longing for God. So instead of trying to satisfy our needs with alcohol, relationships, money, materials, and all the crap that the world can offer that will leave us in Debt and chained even stronger to this world. We need to realize that we are actually longing for the Water that gives Eternal life. We are longing for a deeper and personal relationship with Christ.

We are not hungry for Sin, we are thirsty for Jesus Christ.

Blank Canvas

A blank canvas can be one of the most intimidating things. Most people are so intimidated by it that they'll paint a layer of light pale color with brush strokes to cover up the canvas before even sketching on it or painting it. I think its because White seems so perfect, so pure, that to do anything to it you'd feel like you're going to mess it up. The first paint stroke or the first line...you're afraid to mess up.

Today I looked at a sheet of paper...a blank white paper...for nearly 3-4 hrs. I drew a line i crumbled it up and threw it away. Drew another line and threw it away. People know of writers block but not many experience sketchers block. As an artist you're trained to see things, to envision it, know every line, where its going to go and what combination of lines and colors are going to bring about a design or a drawing. As wood workers or carpenters you do a drafting, you plan out each step, each screw, and you know within a certain project time span if you hit every milestone you'll complete you're piece.

But when you can't see it, when you can't envision it in your mind....then you're screwed. You just end up drawing random lines in random places...you get stressed then the stress makes you less able to see. Then it consumes you and you can't get anything right. Then anxiety comes...because you don't know what its supposed to look like. You can't see it in you're head. I'm like this with everything...maybe its the way I was brought up. Maybe this is the way I was trained for 4 years as a designer. You give me a situation or a problem my mind starts churning, schedules start forming, and every step of the problem starts to show itself. I enjoy it. It's the way I think and plan and get things done...but lately I can't see. I don't know whats going to happen. I feel like I'm just staring at a blank canvas and it scares me a little bit. I see people so relaxed and laid back...not worrying about whats to come and I get jealous...yeh...who really cares...whats the big deal? But in my head everything goes so fast and I see this problem and that problem and this has to be done and that has to be done and to do nothing...makes me more anxious to do something, anything...

God's teaching me this...He is in control. My faith is too small. I keep trying to see, to envision, to plan, and to execute but in reality...my mind is too small to fathom and see the way He sees. I am not the potter. I am not the painter. He is. I'm the pen. I keep fooling myself to think that I'm the designer...the creative one...the planner...the visionary...but no...He is. I'm just the tool. Why am I anxious? Why am I scared? Why do I get upset...I'm just the pen...I move when He moves me. I create when He creates through me. I have purpose when He uses me.

God forgive me today for always trying to take control of my life and of the lives of people around me. I don't know how to change my mind and my emotions and it drives me nuts sometimes and probably the people around me. But thank you for making me realize my arrogance and foolishness. Give me peace that transcends all understanding because with out you I can't handle anything in this world. I am you're pen, use me to create something meaningful to impact this world.

I forget that God loves me.

"Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. [...] And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm, and stead fast. To HIM be the power for ever and ever. Amen."

1 Peter 5:6-10

 

Through my fast I'm learning so much and realizing so much about myself. But most importantly I think I've realized that I've forgotten that God loves me, "Cast all your anxieties on him because he cares for you...", God loves me. Too many times I think to myself "Why God! Why do you let this happen!" or "Why are you putting me through this sh*t with my health, with my work, with my finances, etc etc etc" and I get pissed at Him and bitter and angry. But this passage humbled me, that God doesn't want the worst for me, He wants the best for me. He cares for me.

 

How is that a God that has the power to raise the dead can care for someone like me? He cares for my heart and wants the best for me. It is me who rebels and it is me who pushes Him away but He is jealous for me. He disciplines out of love not out of hate. Our God is a God who cares for us. Even in hardships that he allows He only allows us to suffer just a little while before He restores us with his love and mighty grace to make us that much stronger.

 

I realized another thing about myself. I don't know how to understand being loved or cared for. I don't feel as if I deserve it or maybe I think lowly of myself. I always think I'm on my own...independant...that no one thinks of me so I need to survive on my own and fight for my rights. Maybe its the scars and insecurities left from being picked on and having to fight for myself since I was young...or maybe its the 2nd child syndrome of always trying to get attention or love when being under the shadow of the smart, nice, obedient older brother...who really knows I haven't figure it out yet...but I've realized I always want to be justified. I always want to make sure I'm not being wronged and if I feel like I am I'll express it.

 

I need to realize I'm loveable. I know that probably sounds gay...but I need to know and believe that God loves me that I'm not just His work horse but His beloved Son. That people do care for me and I'm not in this world alone just caring for other people and not being cared for back. I am loved and I am cared for. I am not alone. I can relax...I don't need to fight everytime I feel disrespected or wronged.

 

God is rocking me and I'm happy to be rocked...I've been waking up anxious for the last 5 days...literally just scared and nervous that I would get dizzy. I felt like I wanted to run away to the mountains or something. But now I realize...God was just chasing me that God loves me and wants the best for me. Come world! I'm ready to face you head on again!

Christian Economics

¹⁹Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; ²⁰you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.- 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

Most of us hear from a young age that Grace is Free, that if we just say that we believe in Jesus then He comes and rescues us and we are free people. we won't go to hell. Basic economics however teaches us so differently. In economics there is a general rule, "Nothing is free". Give aways, promotional items, gifts, and etc may be free to consumer but it is never "free", someone paid the cost. It also aligns with the fact the we can never get "something from nothing".

When we think about worldly and secular things this concept is logical and makes so much sense to us. Then why is it that when we thinkg about Jesus and Christianity our minds revert back to Cheap Grace and we take everything for granted. We have stained the pure meaning of what Grace really is.

I think for myself many times I calculate. My mind starts to turn without me even knowing. Many times I catch myself thing "If I did this for them...why are they not doing this for me in return?" or "I was gracious to them...why are they not gracious to me?" or something of those lines. In the end it really means that I do things because I want others to do something back for me, or its something I subconsciously expect.

Then I think about Jesus. Grace, although we were told as a child in Sunday School that its free that we don't have to do anything to deserve it...it was paid for by a cost, the cost of Jesus Christ. Everything from the time of Genesis there was always a blood sacrifice or a cost for forgiveness. I think in our generation many of us have forgotten that. That the Grace that we've received has been paid for by Christ. I think about Jesus that He knew from the beginning of time that I would sin, betray, and nail him back on the cross day after day after day...yet He still chose to go on the cross...wanting nothing back from me except for me to realize one day that He loves me that much.

I don't understand God sometimes...why He would do the things He's done...and how could his love me that great and compassionate. He humbles me daily because even with all this knowledge I sin and I fall and I betray. I forget, I'm such a human...and no act of mine is righteous or good compared to Christ.

Christian Economics...nothing is ever "free", maybe it seems free to us but in reality Jesus bled and died for our freedom...we will never be perfect in our words or our actions but let's at the least never forget what He's done.

We forget Majesty

Praise the LORD, O my soul.

O LORD my God, you are very great;

you are clothed with splendor and majesty.

He wraps himself in light as with a garment;

he stretches out the heavens like a tent

and lays the beams of his upper chambers on their waters.

He makes the clouds his chariot

and rides on the wings of the wind. - Psalm 104:1-3

Today on the Radio I heard that we are planning another walk in space. It didn't phase me at all. I wasn't impressed. Just another walk on the Moon or walking around in a big ole space suit fixing some telescope. Then I started to think about it, how probably in the 1960's when John F. Kennedy proclaimed that within the decade U.S. would walk on the Moon. How everyone mustve prayed for it and when it actually happened everyone would sit in front of their Radios or their TV's listening to it. The Majesty of it, the idea of Man being able to walk in Space, for the first time ever.

I realize we do this with everything. The first time we ride a roller coaster. The first time you ride down black diamond on a snowboard. The first time you hit over 100mph in your car. The first time you hold a girls hand. The first time you kiss. The first time you go all in 10k in an investment with borrowed money (haha). Then it all fades away. Roller coasters don't seem that exciting anymore. Black diamond becomes the norm. Holding a girls hand becomes natural and a kiss becomes easy and not nerve racking at all, no more sweaty palms, no more thoughts racing through your mind, "its just a kiss...".

I think we do this with God too. In Psalms, David Praises God and says how great He is and that he is clothed in splendor and majesty, but we forget Majesty. God doesn't seem as WOW to us anymore. Our hearts become jaded and we become comfortable. We forget the He's the Creator of all the earth even the tiny tiny organism in the ocean that just floats around aimlessly. Even that He's designed and created for a specific purpose. We forget that He has no beginning and no end. That He has no evil in Him at all only love. That He is the Avenger, and will come with a mighty sword when He needs to. We ultimately forget that He has sent His only Son Jesus Christ to die on the Cross for us, to bear our shame and our sins until His heart exploded in His own chest.

We forget too much and we forget our Majestic God. I, for one am tired of myself. I want to be like the people in the '60s watching intently for the man to walk on the Moon. I want feel that thrill of the rollercoaster. I want my mind to race at the thought of reaching out to hold a girls hand. I want my palms to get sweaty and cold sweats to go down my back when I think about kissing a girl. I want to be naive and innocent again, like a child for God. That is just marveled at God Majesty. 

Dear God, create in me a clean heart. Take away my past, take away my worldly knowledge and experience, take away my jaded heart. Make everything new again and fresh again, innocent again. Make me like a child in your eyes so that I am able to experience daily how great you are and how much you have sacrificied.