What is a Man? and What is Love?

My Dad always had his 1 line theories about what a man is supposed to be, "A man never lies", "A man keeps his word", "A man takes care of a woman", "A man finishes what he started"...etc etc etc. Whenever I did something that wasn't "man" like he would whip out one of these one liners and put me in place. I guess since I've been hearing these since I was a kid and my family being so "male" dominated I grew up believing in these words. Lately I've been thinking about what it really means to be a "man" and what it really means to love.
I've been watching a lot of movies on TNT because I was on vacation for a week and TNT was playing back to back movies during the holiday weekend. All these movies for some reason were so inspiring and it showed the courage of "men". Ladder 49 is about a fire fighter who dies saving a life. When he met his wife she says something ,"You know..thats pretty cool.. when everyone is running away you run in". Is that what defines a man? Courage? That when things are going wrong we won't run from it but we face it head on. The other movie that got to me was Cinderella Man. A movie about a real boxer during the depression and how he fights and becomes the hope of a nation. In one of the scenes his youngest son gets sick because he can't pay for the heating bill. His wife Mae sends the children away to their Aunts and the father comes home and finds his children gone and the look of defeat in his face was just heart breaking. And he says to his wife "I looked straight into his eyes outside the butchers and I promised him. I promised him that no matter what I would never send him away.." (speaking about his son). Then he doesn't say a word and walks out goes to the relief bank and borrows money for the first time in his life. Then he goes to Madison Sq Garden where all his old "friends" are playing cards and goes around receiving change from them to pay the heating bill. UGH. I almost cried. It reminded me of times when someone's word had so much weight. When a promise actually meant something. I can't imagine having to take care of a whole family. When the decisions that I make not only effect me but it effects the lives of my children and wife.

I think back to my own family and my own dad. Coming to this country with nothing. Starting a church with only like 30 people max at the highest point of the ministry, doing it for 10 years while raising 2 kids. Watching your wife work 12 hrs a day for 6 days, driving delivery trucks for the cleaners during the day and prepping sermons at night. I don't know if I have the heart to serve God that faithfully while probably feeling as if I'm failing my family. Another scene in Cinderella Man is where the boxer's manager's wife and his wife is sitting and drinking tea. One woman asks the other "Can you stop your (referring to husbands) when they set their mind on something?" and the wife answer "I sure can try.." and the other womans answers "I don't know how they do it. Everyday they go on feeling as though they have failed us". UGH. hahah. Just breaks my heart and I worry that I'll one day be in that position and how I would be able to handle it. I can't imagine the sadness and despair a man would feel not being able to take care of his family.

Shin and I went to Boston the other week and we talked a lot about relationships and love seeing that the place we stayed was one of our friends who just got married. We reflected on how we've lived and the relationships that we've been in. We realized we made so many empty promises. The words "I love you" was used so easily and promises like "no i'll always be there" or "i'll take care of you don;t worry" things like that and we reflect back now realize that we've broken many hearts as well. I don't think its because we were liars we said the things we said. However, I don't think we knew what we were saying and the weight of what it really meant. We were...too young to even realize. I always joke that the girls prime ends at age 25 and guys prime begins at age 25. I don't really know bout the girl thing but for a guy I think its relatively true. Before really living in the "real" world I don't think we know enough or have experienced enough to understand what it really means to take care of someone or love someone. I watched all these movies prior to this weekend but this weekend it really made me think deeper into what it means. I understood what the words really meant. Shin said that his idea of Love is a decision that he makes. That when he says it next it'll really mean forever. I thought about this and I think in a way its true. Love may start with butterflies in the stomach or a crush but at the end its a decision we need to make. When there is no food on the table will we love? When there is no heat, no good times, when things all crumble will we love?

I believe the Love that God showed us and that Jesus showed us was a decision. God decided not out of emotion but out of love to send his one and only Son to save us. Jesus decided not because of the butterflies in his stomach but out of love to be beaten and hung on that cross. I think so many people divorce or cheat now a days because they don't understand the weight of the words they spoke when they said "I do" and "I love you". I'm still not 100% sure what it is to be a "man" or what it is to truly "love" but I think God is slowly showing me even through movies that it really means one thing...sacrifice. Sacrificing our own pride, our own standards, sometimes even our self respect which is a huge thing for guys. Shrugs...who knows..this can be a never ending thought...