Is God pleased with me?

I'm sitting in my first home and everything is so quiet. Although many say in a few weeks it'll be lonely, for me and for now I welcome the peace that it brings, I finally feel that I can hear myself think for the first time in months. My mind finally feels calm and my body feels soothed from the quietness of the whole house.

The chilliness of the room and the coolness of the glass desk that I set up for myself seems refreshing to my soul and I welcome all of it with a sigh of relief. Finally, I can relax. The last few weeks have been a mind boggling experience. Grad school, teaching design part time, working full time, college retreat, girls football, and everything else in between my mind was on the verge of shutting down. The first night of the college retreat, I, for the first time in my life, blanked out. I couldn't even remember the names of the cell group leaders that have been working with me for last 2 years. Complete shut down.

I wonder sometimes, if I am trying to become an over achiever. When God called me I wanted my whole life to be for him. I didn't want to waste anymore time. But tonight in my quiet and cool house as my mind starts to clear, I ask myself the question, "Is God pleased with me?".
Are all my efforts in vain? Which one of my pursuits are selfish and which one of my pursuits is for the kingdom? I had dinner with a few friends tonight and it was really difficult. I was put into a position where myself, David Lee, of the flesh and my spirit was battling and a decision had to be made. Am I gonna chose a good time or am I going to chose what my heart told me was right? Everytime I'm in a situation like this my heart really aches. My mind becomes so tired and I wish I really wish that this walk that I've chosen could be simpler and easier. But I have to keep asking myself this question, "Is God pleased with me?"

I'm afraid one day I'll wake up and realize, that I was fooling myself. That the things that I've pursued and the decisions that I've made were not what God wanted me to pursue. That I've fooled myself or deceived myself without even knowing. Many people have many nightmares but this is mine. That God would not be pleased with me. That I've lived this life that He's given me for my own. That my selfish desires of the flesh has taken me. I do not want fame. I do not want recognition. I do not want some status. I want to know that God is pleased with the things I've done.

This house, this job, this ministry, this life. That all these things at the end of the day God will see it and be pleased. That all these things were not because of my selfish desires but because of the grace of God that he has blessed me with it. That he saw that I was responsible with one talent therefore He has given me responsibility over 5 talents. That my master is pleased with His servant.

In conclusion after all this thought I realize one simple truth. I need to pray more. Why am I so insecure?