Art of War

Sun Tzu said:

The control of a large force is the same principle as the control of a few men: it is merely a question  of dividing up their numbers.

Fighting with a large army under your command is nowise different from fighting with a small one: it is merely a question of instituting signs and signals.

To ensure that your whole host may withstand the brunt of the enemy's attack and remain unshaken -this is effected by maneuvers direct and indirect.

That the impact of your army may be like a grindstone dashed against an egg - this is effected by the science of weak points and strong

In all fighting, the direct method may be used for joining battle, but indirect methods will be needed in order to secure victory.

Indirect tactics, efficiently applied, are inexhaustible as Heaven and Earth, unending as the flow of rivers and streams; like the sun and moon, they end but to begin anew; like the four seasons, they pass away to return once more.

There are not more than five musical notes, yet the combinations of these five give rise to more melodies than can ever be heard.

There are not more than five primary colors (blue, yellow, red, white, and black), yet in combination they produced more hues than can ever been seen.

There are not more than five cardinal tastes (sour, acrid, salt, sweet, bitter) of them yield more flavors than can ever be tasted.

In battle, there are not more than two methods of attack - the direct and the indirect; yet these two in combination give rise to an endless series of manuers

The direct and the indirect lead on to each other in turn. It is like moving in a circle - you never come to an end. Who can exhaust the possibilities of their combination?

This songs been on my heart lately

(Verse 1)
All that I am, all that I have
I lay them down before you, oh Lord
All my regrets, all my acclaims
The joy and the pain, I'm making them yours

(Chorus)
Lord, I offer my life to you
Everything I've been through
Use it for your glory
Lord I offer my days to you
Lifting my praise to you
As a pleasing sacrifice
Lord I offer you my life

(Verse 2)
Things in the past, things yet unseen
Wishes and dreams that are yet to come true
All of my hopes, all of my plans
My heart and my hands are lifted to you

Longing

7When a Samaritan woman came to draw water, Jesus said to her, "Will you give me a drink?" 8(His disciples had gone into the town to buy food.) 9The Samaritan woman said to him, "You are a Jew and I am a Samaritan woman. How can you ask me for a drink?" (For Jews do not associate with Samaritans.[a]) 10Jesus answered her, "If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water." 11"Sir," the woman said, "you have nothing to draw with and the well is deep. Where can you get this living water? 12Are you greater than our father Jacob, who gave us the well and drank from it himself, as did also his sons and his flocks and herds?" 13Jesus answered, "Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, 14but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life."

There is a longing in my heart. A longing to be free. A longing to have no responsibilities. A longing to have to make no decisions. A longing to not have to do anything.

Sometimes when I feel a cold brisk breeze my hand goes up to my mouth as if I'm taking a drag of stoge. Sometimes when I feel stressed or tired my arm motions up as if I'm taking a sip of Jack on the Rocks and I blow out as if I'm smelling the alcohol on my breath. Sometimes when I'm driving I imagine myself going down the turnpike at 140mph per hour redlining every gear. Other times I want to go into a party and pick a fight with the biggest kid there just to feel the adrenaline again. To feel the heart pump, to feel the focus that comes from being in a high risk situation, the pins and needles that comes all over your face. Then I realize this...I'm longing for something. I long to have never taken that "green" pill where I realized everything I've been and done was a sinful rebellion against God. I long to be have stayed ignorant. Stress free. Worry free. I long to be "free" in my ignorance.

When I was purchasing my house, when I asked someone about debt they said "Everyone's in debt. The older you get the more debt you get into. The richest person really is the person in the least amount of debt." And I believed it. It made sense. You grow up you go to college, school debt. You get out you buy a car. Car debt. You grow up you get married. Wedding Debt. You have a family so you buy a house. Mortgage debt. Etc. Etc. Etc. Then I realize all these different debts, all these responsibilities, and have to's becomes chains, chains that bind you down to this world. You can't go when you want to. You can't act when you want to. Everything you do needs a decision and you need to worry about 10 other things in order to just do one thing. Then through all these things there comes a longing. Maybe thats why men go through Mid Life Crisis because by the time they get to that age they can't handle it anymore. Maybe thats why some people cheat? Because they have so much longing but they realize nothing in their lives satisfies so they go out to search for something new?

Lately, I've been feeling like this. I just want to grab my bag middle of the working day and walk out. Go to the nearest gas station fill up and start driving out west. I wish sometimes I lived in the mountains and the only decision I had to make was "what kind of animal am I gonna hunt to eat today?". Then today I realized this. All this longing that people have and that I have. Its just a superficial  and surface level sign of something so much deeper in the root of our hearts. Its a longing for God. Jeff Chang yesterday said something like "If you strive for Earth you won't get Heaven or Earth but if you Strive for Heaven you'll get Heaven and Earth" and He also said "If your joy and satisfaction is in Christ then everything else becomes that much better".

I think this is something we always have to remember. When I was reading about Daniel Fast and all these things one thing that I kept reminding myself was this fact "Most of the time when you feel hungry its not because you are actually lacking food. Its really because your body is dehydrated and your body is actually craving water". Most of us when we are hungry tend to stuff ourselves to satisfy our hungry, then we gain weight, become full to the point where we want to puke, become unhealthy, and miserable at the fact that we are fat. This happens I think when we forget that our longing really isn't a longing for Sin or this World rather its a longing for God. So instead of trying to satisfy our needs with alcohol, relationships, money, materials, and all the crap that the world can offer that will leave us in Debt and chained even stronger to this world. We need to realize that we are actually longing for the Water that gives Eternal life. We are longing for a deeper and personal relationship with Christ.

We are not hungry for Sin, we are thirsty for Jesus Christ.

Blank Canvas

A blank canvas can be one of the most intimidating things. Most people are so intimidated by it that they'll paint a layer of light pale color with brush strokes to cover up the canvas before even sketching on it or painting it. I think its because White seems so perfect, so pure, that to do anything to it you'd feel like you're going to mess it up. The first paint stroke or the first line...you're afraid to mess up.

Today I looked at a sheet of paper...a blank white paper...for nearly 3-4 hrs. I drew a line i crumbled it up and threw it away. Drew another line and threw it away. People know of writers block but not many experience sketchers block. As an artist you're trained to see things, to envision it, know every line, where its going to go and what combination of lines and colors are going to bring about a design or a drawing. As wood workers or carpenters you do a drafting, you plan out each step, each screw, and you know within a certain project time span if you hit every milestone you'll complete you're piece.

But when you can't see it, when you can't envision it in your mind....then you're screwed. You just end up drawing random lines in random places...you get stressed then the stress makes you less able to see. Then it consumes you and you can't get anything right. Then anxiety comes...because you don't know what its supposed to look like. You can't see it in you're head. I'm like this with everything...maybe its the way I was brought up. Maybe this is the way I was trained for 4 years as a designer. You give me a situation or a problem my mind starts churning, schedules start forming, and every step of the problem starts to show itself. I enjoy it. It's the way I think and plan and get things done...but lately I can't see. I don't know whats going to happen. I feel like I'm just staring at a blank canvas and it scares me a little bit. I see people so relaxed and laid back...not worrying about whats to come and I get jealous...yeh...who really cares...whats the big deal? But in my head everything goes so fast and I see this problem and that problem and this has to be done and that has to be done and to do nothing...makes me more anxious to do something, anything...

God's teaching me this...He is in control. My faith is too small. I keep trying to see, to envision, to plan, and to execute but in reality...my mind is too small to fathom and see the way He sees. I am not the potter. I am not the painter. He is. I'm the pen. I keep fooling myself to think that I'm the designer...the creative one...the planner...the visionary...but no...He is. I'm just the tool. Why am I anxious? Why am I scared? Why do I get upset...I'm just the pen...I move when He moves me. I create when He creates through me. I have purpose when He uses me.

God forgive me today for always trying to take control of my life and of the lives of people around me. I don't know how to change my mind and my emotions and it drives me nuts sometimes and probably the people around me. But thank you for making me realize my arrogance and foolishness. Give me peace that transcends all understanding because with out you I can't handle anything in this world. I am you're pen, use me to create something meaningful to impact this world.

I forget that God loves me.

"Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. [...] And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm, and stead fast. To HIM be the power for ever and ever. Amen."

1 Peter 5:6-10

 

Through my fast I'm learning so much and realizing so much about myself. But most importantly I think I've realized that I've forgotten that God loves me, "Cast all your anxieties on him because he cares for you...", God loves me. Too many times I think to myself "Why God! Why do you let this happen!" or "Why are you putting me through this sh*t with my health, with my work, with my finances, etc etc etc" and I get pissed at Him and bitter and angry. But this passage humbled me, that God doesn't want the worst for me, He wants the best for me. He cares for me.

 

How is that a God that has the power to raise the dead can care for someone like me? He cares for my heart and wants the best for me. It is me who rebels and it is me who pushes Him away but He is jealous for me. He disciplines out of love not out of hate. Our God is a God who cares for us. Even in hardships that he allows He only allows us to suffer just a little while before He restores us with his love and mighty grace to make us that much stronger.

 

I realized another thing about myself. I don't know how to understand being loved or cared for. I don't feel as if I deserve it or maybe I think lowly of myself. I always think I'm on my own...independant...that no one thinks of me so I need to survive on my own and fight for my rights. Maybe its the scars and insecurities left from being picked on and having to fight for myself since I was young...or maybe its the 2nd child syndrome of always trying to get attention or love when being under the shadow of the smart, nice, obedient older brother...who really knows I haven't figure it out yet...but I've realized I always want to be justified. I always want to make sure I'm not being wronged and if I feel like I am I'll express it.

 

I need to realize I'm loveable. I know that probably sounds gay...but I need to know and believe that God loves me that I'm not just His work horse but His beloved Son. That people do care for me and I'm not in this world alone just caring for other people and not being cared for back. I am loved and I am cared for. I am not alone. I can relax...I don't need to fight everytime I feel disrespected or wronged.

 

God is rocking me and I'm happy to be rocked...I've been waking up anxious for the last 5 days...literally just scared and nervous that I would get dizzy. I felt like I wanted to run away to the mountains or something. But now I realize...God was just chasing me that God loves me and wants the best for me. Come world! I'm ready to face you head on again!

Christian Economics

¹⁹Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; ²⁰you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.- 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

Most of us hear from a young age that Grace is Free, that if we just say that we believe in Jesus then He comes and rescues us and we are free people. we won't go to hell. Basic economics however teaches us so differently. In economics there is a general rule, "Nothing is free". Give aways, promotional items, gifts, and etc may be free to consumer but it is never "free", someone paid the cost. It also aligns with the fact the we can never get "something from nothing".

When we think about worldly and secular things this concept is logical and makes so much sense to us. Then why is it that when we thinkg about Jesus and Christianity our minds revert back to Cheap Grace and we take everything for granted. We have stained the pure meaning of what Grace really is.

I think for myself many times I calculate. My mind starts to turn without me even knowing. Many times I catch myself thing "If I did this for them...why are they not doing this for me in return?" or "I was gracious to them...why are they not gracious to me?" or something of those lines. In the end it really means that I do things because I want others to do something back for me, or its something I subconsciously expect.

Then I think about Jesus. Grace, although we were told as a child in Sunday School that its free that we don't have to do anything to deserve it...it was paid for by a cost, the cost of Jesus Christ. Everything from the time of Genesis there was always a blood sacrifice or a cost for forgiveness. I think in our generation many of us have forgotten that. That the Grace that we've received has been paid for by Christ. I think about Jesus that He knew from the beginning of time that I would sin, betray, and nail him back on the cross day after day after day...yet He still chose to go on the cross...wanting nothing back from me except for me to realize one day that He loves me that much.

I don't understand God sometimes...why He would do the things He's done...and how could his love me that great and compassionate. He humbles me daily because even with all this knowledge I sin and I fall and I betray. I forget, I'm such a human...and no act of mine is righteous or good compared to Christ.

Christian Economics...nothing is ever "free", maybe it seems free to us but in reality Jesus bled and died for our freedom...we will never be perfect in our words or our actions but let's at the least never forget what He's done.

We forget Majesty

Praise the LORD, O my soul.

O LORD my God, you are very great;

you are clothed with splendor and majesty.

He wraps himself in light as with a garment;

he stretches out the heavens like a tent

and lays the beams of his upper chambers on their waters.

He makes the clouds his chariot

and rides on the wings of the wind. - Psalm 104:1-3

Today on the Radio I heard that we are planning another walk in space. It didn't phase me at all. I wasn't impressed. Just another walk on the Moon or walking around in a big ole space suit fixing some telescope. Then I started to think about it, how probably in the 1960's when John F. Kennedy proclaimed that within the decade U.S. would walk on the Moon. How everyone mustve prayed for it and when it actually happened everyone would sit in front of their Radios or their TV's listening to it. The Majesty of it, the idea of Man being able to walk in Space, for the first time ever.

I realize we do this with everything. The first time we ride a roller coaster. The first time you ride down black diamond on a snowboard. The first time you hit over 100mph in your car. The first time you hold a girls hand. The first time you kiss. The first time you go all in 10k in an investment with borrowed money (haha). Then it all fades away. Roller coasters don't seem that exciting anymore. Black diamond becomes the norm. Holding a girls hand becomes natural and a kiss becomes easy and not nerve racking at all, no more sweaty palms, no more thoughts racing through your mind, "its just a kiss...".

I think we do this with God too. In Psalms, David Praises God and says how great He is and that he is clothed in splendor and majesty, but we forget Majesty. God doesn't seem as WOW to us anymore. Our hearts become jaded and we become comfortable. We forget the He's the Creator of all the earth even the tiny tiny organism in the ocean that just floats around aimlessly. Even that He's designed and created for a specific purpose. We forget that He has no beginning and no end. That He has no evil in Him at all only love. That He is the Avenger, and will come with a mighty sword when He needs to. We ultimately forget that He has sent His only Son Jesus Christ to die on the Cross for us, to bear our shame and our sins until His heart exploded in His own chest.

We forget too much and we forget our Majestic God. I, for one am tired of myself. I want to be like the people in the '60s watching intently for the man to walk on the Moon. I want feel that thrill of the rollercoaster. I want my mind to race at the thought of reaching out to hold a girls hand. I want my palms to get sweaty and cold sweats to go down my back when I think about kissing a girl. I want to be naive and innocent again, like a child for God. That is just marveled at God Majesty. 

Dear God, create in me a clean heart. Take away my past, take away my worldly knowledge and experience, take away my jaded heart. Make everything new again and fresh again, innocent again. Make me like a child in your eyes so that I am able to experience daily how great you are and how much you have sacrificied.  

Endurance through Hope

 1Everyone who believes that Jesus is the Christ is born of God, and everyone who loves the father loves his child as well. 2This is how we know that we love the children of God: by loving God and carrying out his commands. 3This is love for God: to obey his commands. And his commands are not burdensome, 4for everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith. 5Who is it that overcomes the world? Only he who believes that Jesus is the Son of God. - 1 John 5:1-4

In life we learn that nothing is for free. Everything has a cost and something must be given for another thing to be received. However, many of us always try to take the easy way out or find the short cut. We lack the desire to endure hardship. We want whats in front of us and we want it now. Our patience is of a lab rat lookin for cheese and our vision lacks to see that if we endured only if we went through the hardship there is freedom just beyond the mountain we must climb.

The devil I think does a great job of putting the world in our faces and we forget that everything takes work. The devil just hands us the cheap gift and because its so easy for us to obtain we snatch it straight from his hand in utter happiness not knowing that we just sold our freedom for the cost of the devils cheap gift. When I was in China I was at one of the top 3 hotels in all of Shang Hai. As soon as I walked in 15 beautiful chinese girls lined up one took my bags and the rest bowed and welcomed me. Everywhere I went they called me Sir and opened all the doors and pressed all the buttons for me to get to my room. Then my room was on the 15th floor and my sheets were made out of gold fabric with a beautiful dark mahagony bed post. I looked outside into Pudong district of Shang Hai and I felt like Jesus when he was tempted 3 times by the Devil and one of the temptations was of the world. Devil shows Jesus the world and says everything you see all the glimers and the riches I will make it yours.

That night I laid in bed and I felt God ask me, David would you give this all up for me? The paycheck, the house, the comfort, and all the riches that I can bless you with would you give it all up and go into the mountains of Africa with one bottle of water and live in a tent again? Can you do it? I hope and pray that my answer will always be a resounding "YES". That I would never lose the idea of what treasure endurance will bring. That I would never become so blinded and so weak that I can not endure hardships.

I am able to endure through hope, hope in Christ, that He has already won this race for me and I just follow his footsteps. God many times shows us two things. He shows us where we are and where we must go, but everything else in between the endurance that needs to be lived out it is obedience and faith. But I believe because we know, that our God is Good and He is in control of all things we can put a smile on our face and live out the hardship in peace because His yoke is light.

My grad school, my relationships, my ministry, my work, and all things God has put into my life I will endure because He who went before me has endured.

Misery...

Now listen, you rich people, weep and wail because of the misery that is coming upon you. 2Your wealth has rotted, and moths have eaten your clothes. 3Your gold and silver are corroded. Their corrosion will testify against you and eat your flesh like fire. You have hoarded wealth in the last days. 4Look! The wages you failed to pay the workmen who mowed your fields are crying out against you. The cries of the harvesters have reached the ears of the Lord Almighty. 5You have lived on earth in luxury and self-indulgence. You have fattened yourselves in the day of slaughter.[a] 6You have condemned and murdered innocent men, who were not opposing you. James 5:1-6 

Dictionary.com defines the word Misery as: 
1.     wretchedness of condition or circumstances.
2.     distress or suffering caused by need, privation, or poverty.
3.     great mental or emotional distress; extreme unhappiness.
4.     a cause or source of distress.

I was watching some news clips and videos about the earth quake in Haiti the other day. One of CNN news reporters who has gone back and forth from Haiti since the 2nd day of the tragedy used the word "Misery", "The horror is gone but now they are in Misery", or something of that sort. For some reason that word just caught my attention. I started to ask myself have I ever truly been miserable? I can't really say that I have. I can say that I've been uncomfortable, that I've been upset or in pain, but I can't ever say that I was completely miserable.

I think a lot of times we take the words way too lightly, but thats a whole blog in itself. But I wonder what its really like to be miserable. In James the word misery is used as well in a description of the wrath that is going to come on the corrupt wealthy people. In this description of what misery is to come to them James describes the loss of all their wealth, loss of their fine clothes, and the corrosion of all their fine metals. I wonder if this is true misery. To have lost all.

But then what does misery mean for Christians? Can we ever be miserable? Wealth and physical loss should be considered struggles and discipline rather than misery. Then what is misery for us? I think for us misery is the loss of just one thing, the most important thing. Misery is the loss of Jesus Christ. The moment when we run so far from Christ and we rebel so much from Christ that he is so distant, he even turns his back on us. We can ask "How can God turn his back on his?!?!" but don't we realize? Our God cannot tolerate sin in our lives. Their are many times in the Bible when the Israelites or God's people rebel so harshly and sin so blatantly that it says God has turned his back on them.

I think this is misery. This is where there is no hope for us. This is where our blessings are cut short. This is where salvation doesn't seem tangible. That the source of our peace. The source of our love. The source of our happiness is gone because of our sin.

I hope and pray for the people of Haiti. That yes they may have lost everything physical and worldly but that they still have God. That they would in this miserable situation would meet God and rest in Him. I hope that for all of us we see how great we have it and how much blessings we received and that in all things we are gracious and thankful before God really shows us what misery is about. 

How heavy is your cross?

"If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters—yes, even his own life—he cannot be my disciple. ²⁷And anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple. - Luke 14:26-27 

God always questions me. He asks me,"Will you still love me?", "Would you give this up for me?", "Am I better than this?". A few days ago while driving God showed me myself in a wheelchair. I was paralyzed. I was in front of the church and I was there to give a testimony of some kind. God asked me, "What would you say? Would you still love me? Is my grace sufficient?". I think its probably the first time in my life, deep in my gut, I thought..."I'd rather kill myself. I'd rather that however you made me paralyzed you killed me instead and finished the job". Then the question came to my head..."How heavy is my cross?".

It's too easy to "know" God. It's way too easy to write blogs and say the right things. But to actually execute our faith intentionally and to carry the cross. It's a whole new world of effort. To know it in our heads. To feel it in our hearts. It comes but for that thought and feeling to manifest itself into this world so that we can be the light to it...that's sometimes something of a miracle. When everything in the world is good. When we have our strength and when we have our hands and feet to move. Its easy to say that we believe in God and that God is good and sufficient. But about when it sucks. When we're paralyzed maybe not even physically but mentally, emotionally, spiritually paralyzed. When we pray and pray and there is no answer. When we cry and cry and there is no restoration. What about then, Is your God still Good? 

I thought about really being paralyzed, stuck in a wheel chair. I thought of never being able to pursue a girl, in fear of burdening her. Never being able to have children, always needing someone to push me and go out of their way for me. But i decided. I would live for God. Even if for years and years I have to be by myself and endure the deep deep sadness I would feel all those years, I would still live, just to show the world "Yes, God. God is sufficient for me. His grace is sufficient". I'm not saying this to put myself on a high horse. It's really what in my heart I decided I would do but I still pray that it would never come to that. But I hope that we as Christians can really ask ourselves questions like this. 

How heavy is our cross? How much are we willing to carry? Through deaths of our loved ones, brokenness of our children, through financial bankruptcies, and all ugliness this world can bring to us. Is God sufficient for us? It's really scary and depressing but...yeh I don't know why God makes me envision and answer to these situations and questions. 

Be Still

"Be still and know that I am God" - Psalms 46:10

I absolutely love this verse. Its so simple but it shows God's confidence and His power so much. "Just calm down and Be still!", thats how I feel that God is saying that to me like a true father would say to his child, a loving rebuke. This verse is so hard for me to follow though because inside me there is this longing to be a "self-made" man. I want to do everything with my own two hands. When I was younger and my parents used to nag me I used to tell them, "For one year, don't nag me about anything, and I'll show you what I can do". That year I worked my self into some Honor classes from all the "extra needs" classes that I was in, just to prove to them that if I wanted I can do it (after that year I dropped my honor classes and went back into reg. HAHA). I don't think being a designer or an artist helps either. We're taught to make things. To plan, to create, to visualize, to convince people with our words that our ideas are the best and in the end to come up with something tangible, something we can hold in our hands and show the world that WE are the ones who created it and designed it. We are the potter.

Lately I feel God telling me to be still. It really...it really kills me. I want to do something. Be active. Plan something. Convince someone. Or I don't know just be actively pursuing a goal. But I just can't get myself to. Sometimes I sit here and I feel so dap dap hae because I feel like I should be doing something but then I can't. I don't know if I'm explaining it right but its definitely not a feeling that I can explain fully. I feel like all of us try to do that. The world tells us "Take control of your life! If you want it pursue it! If you want it fight for it! If you want to make it happen!". But God sometimes just tells us..."Be still and know that I am God".

Today I've decided to be still. Whether it be work related, relationship related, family related, or future related...I'm going to just be still. I don't want to manipulate anything or taint anything with myself. Not that I want to sit here and be a bum but I want to know that everything was of God. I want to just be still and know that it was God and not me....

God...you better show yourself. HA!

There is a problem!

We all know that Korea and the US are the two biggest mission sending countries in the world. We pat ourselves on the back for this and think that this is enough. But did you know? Korean sends about 20,000 missionaries all over the world but in Korea itself our homeland, where some of us were born and some of us grew up there is an invasion going on but we are all blind to it. In the small country of Korea there is about 30,000 Muslim men sent by the muslim nations with the missions minded goal of marrying Korean woman and raising up muslim children in Korea. Think about it. Let's say each family has about 3-4 children that means that in Korea alone there will be about 90,000-120,000 native korean muslims in our country. 20,000 missionaries ALL OVER the world compared to 90-120,000 in one country! We need to refocus and stop letting the devil deceive us into thinking that we are doing enough!

Today in America about 43% of Christian Pastors believe that ALL religion can save your soul! UMC (United Methodist Church) and PCUSA (Presybertian Church of USA) have all allowed ordinations of gay and lesbian pastors. A large percentage of christians today believe that Evolution is true and that Genesis is just a bible story or that we can interpret the Word with our own presupposition. But don't you know? Without Genesis there is no Bible. If Genesis is wrong than the rest of the Bible is open for interpretation and can be fallible. The leading Evolutionist of our time do not even try to disprove the Bible anymore. Why? Because Christian leaders disprove it ourselves!

I want to beat my chest over and over again because I'm so dap dap hae. I don't know what to do and I don't see anything that I can do. The epidemic is so large and sin is so widespread. Then I remember. I remember how Big our world is. How complicated all livings things are and that Our God created it and said that it was good. I know I can't do much to impact every aspect of whats going wrong with our times but if I can be used a little. To impact one life at a time. Then I hope that I can be used. I end with lyrics from a song...

Send Revival, Start with Me

For I am one with Unclean Lips

And My Eyes have Seen the King

Your Glory I have Glimpsed

Send Revival, Start with Me

I hope that we can all look into ourselves today and repent. Repent for our laziness. Repent for our comforts. Repent for our ignorance. Repent for our selfishness. Because maybe we can't solve everything but we can repent so that God can revive us. Then together we can do it.

Hope

1We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves. 2Each of us should please his neighbor for his good, to build him up. 3For even Christ did not please himself but, as it is written: "The insults of those who insult you have fallen on me."[a] 4For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope. 5May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus, 6so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ......May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. - Romans 15

I forget so many times that this is a broken world and that I'm apart of it. Coming from a solid family and having friends with families that are all together I forget that in the real world there is so much brokenness in family. Satan attacks and breaks up the family as much as possible because the scars and pains that a broken home leaves can stay with someone for their whole lives. Ever since Costa Rica i've been thinking a lot about families and this morning I read an article on DJ's blog about the rise in Korean suicides in the US.

Some experts trace the increase in the suicide rate, in part, to the nation’s rapid transformation from an impoverished agrarian society to a booming industrial power. Traditional family support systems have fractured, age-old value systems have dissolved and materialism has flourished, they say. And those changes continue to steer the lives of recent emigrants to America. - New York Times

 In this article parents of a 20 yr old daughter covered themselves in gasoline and burned themselves to death in their own apartment while their daughter went to a friends house, leaving a note saying “I love you, my daughter. I’m very sorry to leave you alone. It would’ve been much better if you had a wealthier father.”, and left her $40 dollars in the envelope. I spent the other night sleeping over and spending time with the orphans from Korea. I asked many of them, "What's your hope? What's your dream? What do you want to do when you grow up?" and sadly many of them didn't seem to have much hopes or dreams. Most were lonely. Even when in a big group they had a "I'm alone" mentality.

 We need to wake up and understand that there is a problem out there. That the devil is at work mightily to break God's people. To take away their Hope. Take away their joy. Take away their peace. But we turn our eyes from these things. The devil turns our gaze to the riches of this world and behind our backs destroys our families and crushes our foundations. I wish. I just wish that I can help people understand the hope that comes in Jesus Christ. That they are not alone. The Bible says, "We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves". This is my prayer today, that God would make me strong, strong enough to be the bringer of Hope to those who are broken.

Compassion

Jesus had compassion on them and touched their eyes. Immediately they received their sight and followed him. - Matthew 20:34

Sometimes I forget this word, "Compassion". I'm so busy running around that I forget that things aren't just skin deep and that everyone has hurts and pains that don't come through unless you really observe. In the Bible the word compassion is used over and over again. Jesus when he heals or teaches doesn't teach because He just wants to give good information or show His power. He has compassion. Jesus sees us and has compassion on us that there are hurts, scars, and emptiness in our hearts that sometimes we ourselves don't even realize but He comes and slowly starts to mend this brokeness in us so that we may be whole in Him.

I hope that God grows my gifts further and further so that I may be able to see this world the way He sees it. That I may be able to discern the hurts and pains of the people around me and have compassion for them rather than just superficial relationships. There is apart of me still that is still cold and still want people to be the way I expect them to be and I don't take the time to look further into the persons individual life and experience which has grown them to be the way that they are. God give me the eyes to see, the heart to feel, and the mind to understand as you do.

Joy of the Redeemed

Strengthen the feeble hands,

steady the knees that give way;

say to those with fearful hearts,

"Be strong, do not fear;

your God will come,

he will come with vengeance;

with divine retribution

he will come to save you."

Then will the eyes of the blind be opened

and the ears of the deaf unstopped.

- Isaiah 35 3-4

This passage is titled the Joy of the Redeemed. The whole chapter is amazing and inspiring but I picked these two short verses because it captured my heart the most. I think back to the days before Christ. So much fear, so much pride, and so many protective walls that I built up for myself. I even forgot how to smile and my reputation was built to guard my heart from an unforgiving world that would attack any weaknesses in me.

But Christ comes and he saves us. He comes and strengthens our trembling hands and our shaking knees. He makes us stand up straight, not out of arrogance or false pride in ourselves but because of the understanding of the love that He has for us, because of the fact that we know that God is with us, we stand firm. He comes and opens our eyes and ears to things that we never knew existed. We once thought we knew it all. We thought by reading, studying, and experiencing we were above it all but He comes and shows us that the knowledge that comes from this world is foolishness and the scales on our eyes is lifted and we are renewed through the mind to see the things of Him. There is no more fear. There is no more doubt. There is only strength and confidence. Boldness that only those who are called can have. Boldness not in ourselves but in the fact that God has promised us that where ever we go whatever we do He will be with us and He will come and rescue us. This is the source of my confidence.

First will be Last

"I tell you the truth," Jesus replied, "no one who has left home or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or fields for me and the gospel will fail to receive a hundred times as much in this present age (homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children and fields—and with them, persecutions) and in the age to come, eternal life. But many who are first will be last, and the last first." - Mark 10: 29-31

I have not written in so long! Being on vacation then mission trip really got me off track with this thing. Anyways. Yesterday I had lunch as a group with the CEO of all of Colgate and being that he's a leader of this huge company I wanted observe everything I can about him and learn from his leadership how subtle that it may be. There is one particular thing that I noticed and its something that unless you were watching you may have missed, and its this, He is always served Last.

Most people would expect since he is the CEO and at the head of the table he would be served first and start to eat first but its the contrary. He is always the last in line on the buffet line to get lunch, he is served his drink last, he is served his dessert after everyone else has gotten their dessert. Some may say "oh its a coincidence" or "he's late so he has to be last in line" but this is my third year in a row having breakfast or lunch with him and its always been the same so I believe that its very intentional on his part to show a culture of Servant Leadership.

In the Bible, Jesus says that those who are First shall be Last and those who are Last shall be First. Servant Leadership. The world tells us that Leaders have power and strength but the Bible teaches us humility and servants heart and many of us forget this and fall over to the secular mindset of what a leader should be and this leads us into arrogance and pride. I'll be leading small groups once again startin in the next few weeks and I pray that God will make me a leader in this company one day as well. As God puts us into positions of influence I hope that we can remember how Christ has served us so that we can serve others as He has.

Who is worthy? Who among us is without sin?

4and said to Jesus, "Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. 5In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?" 6They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him. But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. 7When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." 8Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground. 9At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. 10Jesus straightened up and asked her, "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?" 11"No one, sir," she said. "Then neither do I condemn you," Jesus declared. "Go now and leave your life of sin." - John 8:4-11

I think many of us forget something that is probably the most important mindset that a Christian should have. The fact that none of us ever was or is worthy of anything and we deserve nothing. In the beginning of time at the fall of man when Adam and Eve introduced sin into this world the punishment was death which means that none of us breathing and living today should never have been given the opportunity to live. However, many us of go day in and day out thinking that we are doing things in our own strength or through our own righteousness, but in reality the very fact that we are able to breathe is by the grace of God. Everyone take a deep breath. Take a moment to think about that breath and reflect.That breath that you just took was because God has been gracious enough to give you that breath.
But like stubborn and ignorant children we ask God for signs of his existence and for God to grant us our wish in order for us to know that he is real. Don't we realize? God owes us nothing but we owe Him everything. There is nothing else that God needs to do for us. He has already given us life when we deserved death then on top of that He made the greatest sacrifice of all to send his one and only Son to die on the cross and STILL we ask God for more. We pray for blessing upon our lives and for comfort for our families. WHO among us is worthy of this grace? I think we can all come to the unanimous conclusion that it is none of us.
I love this passage with the first encounter Mary Madeline has with Jesus, right as she is about to be stoned I think Jesus does one of the most amazing things, more amazing than turning water into wine even. He shows us who we all really are with just one statement that implies one question, "Who among you is without Sin?" and we see that all can relate even 2000 years later because we realize that we are all with sin. We are Sinners, but we sometimes forget that in church. We think cause we come to church, serve, and lift up our hands during worship that somehow we no longer are sinners but when we actually stop to think about it we all know. We all know that we are the worst of all sinners just as Paul declared for himself. But I think whats worse is that people who look into church from the outside don't realize that the church is full of sinners. They stand in the outside and can't step in because they feel that no one else will be like them. That one else sins or doubts as much as they do when in reality its completely the opposite! We are not in church because we are righteous! We are there because we recognize how depraved and unworthy we are! Because we've come to realize that without Christ there is nothing, there is nothing for us in this world. We've tried to strive on our own, immerse ourselves in the pleasure of this world, pile our lives with work and worldly success and through it all we realize even more clearly that it is all rubbish without the Love of Christ.
I hope and I pray that we never forget the depths of darkness that we came from. That the world does not look at us from the outside and see a group of self righteous "holy" people but rather they see the brokenness in us. That they see a group of sinners just like them, a place where they can enter and be accepted and comforted. I can't stand to see someone so lost and so deceived by the devil that they think they do not deserve Christ, when in reality...there is no one on earth who deserves Him, that is why it's called Grace.

What is a Man? and What is Love?

My Dad always had his 1 line theories about what a man is supposed to be, "A man never lies", "A man keeps his word", "A man takes care of a woman", "A man finishes what he started"...etc etc etc. Whenever I did something that wasn't "man" like he would whip out one of these one liners and put me in place. I guess since I've been hearing these since I was a kid and my family being so "male" dominated I grew up believing in these words. Lately I've been thinking about what it really means to be a "man" and what it really means to love.
I've been watching a lot of movies on TNT because I was on vacation for a week and TNT was playing back to back movies during the holiday weekend. All these movies for some reason were so inspiring and it showed the courage of "men". Ladder 49 is about a fire fighter who dies saving a life. When he met his wife she says something ,"You know..thats pretty cool.. when everyone is running away you run in". Is that what defines a man? Courage? That when things are going wrong we won't run from it but we face it head on. The other movie that got to me was Cinderella Man. A movie about a real boxer during the depression and how he fights and becomes the hope of a nation. In one of the scenes his youngest son gets sick because he can't pay for the heating bill. His wife Mae sends the children away to their Aunts and the father comes home and finds his children gone and the look of defeat in his face was just heart breaking. And he says to his wife "I looked straight into his eyes outside the butchers and I promised him. I promised him that no matter what I would never send him away.." (speaking about his son). Then he doesn't say a word and walks out goes to the relief bank and borrows money for the first time in his life. Then he goes to Madison Sq Garden where all his old "friends" are playing cards and goes around receiving change from them to pay the heating bill. UGH. I almost cried. It reminded me of times when someone's word had so much weight. When a promise actually meant something. I can't imagine having to take care of a whole family. When the decisions that I make not only effect me but it effects the lives of my children and wife.

I think back to my own family and my own dad. Coming to this country with nothing. Starting a church with only like 30 people max at the highest point of the ministry, doing it for 10 years while raising 2 kids. Watching your wife work 12 hrs a day for 6 days, driving delivery trucks for the cleaners during the day and prepping sermons at night. I don't know if I have the heart to serve God that faithfully while probably feeling as if I'm failing my family. Another scene in Cinderella Man is where the boxer's manager's wife and his wife is sitting and drinking tea. One woman asks the other "Can you stop your (referring to husbands) when they set their mind on something?" and the wife answer "I sure can try.." and the other womans answers "I don't know how they do it. Everyday they go on feeling as though they have failed us". UGH. hahah. Just breaks my heart and I worry that I'll one day be in that position and how I would be able to handle it. I can't imagine the sadness and despair a man would feel not being able to take care of his family.

Shin and I went to Boston the other week and we talked a lot about relationships and love seeing that the place we stayed was one of our friends who just got married. We reflected on how we've lived and the relationships that we've been in. We realized we made so many empty promises. The words "I love you" was used so easily and promises like "no i'll always be there" or "i'll take care of you don;t worry" things like that and we reflect back now realize that we've broken many hearts as well. I don't think its because we were liars we said the things we said. However, I don't think we knew what we were saying and the weight of what it really meant. We were...too young to even realize. I always joke that the girls prime ends at age 25 and guys prime begins at age 25. I don't really know bout the girl thing but for a guy I think its relatively true. Before really living in the "real" world I don't think we know enough or have experienced enough to understand what it really means to take care of someone or love someone. I watched all these movies prior to this weekend but this weekend it really made me think deeper into what it means. I understood what the words really meant. Shin said that his idea of Love is a decision that he makes. That when he says it next it'll really mean forever. I thought about this and I think in a way its true. Love may start with butterflies in the stomach or a crush but at the end its a decision we need to make. When there is no food on the table will we love? When there is no heat, no good times, when things all crumble will we love?

I believe the Love that God showed us and that Jesus showed us was a decision. God decided not out of emotion but out of love to send his one and only Son to save us. Jesus decided not because of the butterflies in his stomach but out of love to be beaten and hung on that cross. I think so many people divorce or cheat now a days because they don't understand the weight of the words they spoke when they said "I do" and "I love you". I'm still not 100% sure what it is to be a "man" or what it is to truly "love" but I think God is slowly showing me even through movies that it really means one thing...sacrifice. Sacrificing our own pride, our own standards, sometimes even our self respect which is a huge thing for guys. Shrugs...who knows..this can be a never ending thought...

Charismatic Christianity

"The term "Charismatic Movement" is sometimes confused with the term "charismatic." The word "charismatic" is an umbrella term used to describe Christians both Protestant and Catholic who believe that the manifestations of the Holy Spirit such as the ones seen in the first century Christian church (see e.g. the book of Acts ), such as miracles, prophecy, and glossolalia (speaking in other tongues or languages), are available to contemporary Christians and may be experienced and practiced today. The "baptism of the Holy Spirit" is central to the movement. However, the speaking in tongues is not part of the initial evidence but later developed. It is important to the movement to revive the gifts such as healing, tongues, interpretation of tongues and prophecy as part of ministry since the gifts seem to have been neglected by the church. The word "charismatic" is derived from the Greek word χάρισμα ("gift," itself derived from χάρις, "grace" or "favor") which is the term used in the Bible, 1 Corinthians 12-14. By definition, a charismatic should be a joyful, grace-gifted Christian. The "Charismatic Movement," however, expresses the arrival of spiritual gifts in the historic mainline denominations." - Wikipedia

Today I want to speak a little about Charismactic Christianity and my thoughts on such things. It may get controversial because everyone has different opinions about it but this is my opinion. I was speaking to my brother and he was telling me about how Charismatics are starting to influence his church and how he felt the a twist in his gut, a feeling that something wasn't right. I feel this way many times about Charismactic Christianity as well. I believe many people desire to do the right thing. They grow up all their lives and hear about how we need to be radical for Christ and how it's ALL IN or nothing, but we see ourselves day after day falling short of such a calling. We grow up and see people crying, screaming, speaking in tongues, wailing, and dancing around crazily around us during a retreat or revival and we ask ourselves "Why not me? Is God not with me?" And people grow up with this heartful desire to WANT to be in the spirit yet with the guilt of not being able to do so.

I believe this is a perfect medium for Charismaticism to overwhelm some Christians today. I remember when I was first born again and filled with the Spirit my mind was blown. I was so excited. I wanted everyone to come to Christ and know what I know. Nothing else mattered to me. I served every ministry I can serve in. I cried all the time. I talked to random people on the street about Jesus. I spoke up in class and preached in middle of a college lecture. I did "Crazy" charismatic things. Then, I crashed and burned. Slowly as I matured in faith I understood what it meant to be steady and calm in Christ. However, some people fall into Charismaticism because for all there lives they've longed to be "Crazy" for God and when the spirit first hits them the emotion that it invokes and the genuine surge that comes over them (desire to read, desire to pray, desire to fast, etc) is just overwhelming and Charismaticism is the best and most accepting way of expressing it. But it can lead to such a dangerous road.

I am not saying Charismaticism and spiritual gifts are irrevelant, they are vital parts of the Christian walk and Christian faith. However, we need to be able to understand and control our gifts from God not let it control us. I hear many Charismatic christians talk about movements, spirit of this or spirit of that, the revival that broke up here and there, the prophecies that are posted on the web by any who feels they have a divine prophecy from God, visions, dreams, voices, demons, possessions, and etc. All these things in itself can be good, but when it becomes the sole foundation of our Christianity and the way that we worship it leads to a foundation on too many emotions and humanistic things. If God does not show you a vision are you not filled with the Spirit any longer? If you can't speak in tongues does that mean you are not near God? If God decides not to move and no revivals break out have we sinned? Don't we know? God is always moving. Whether it manifests into a physical sign God is moving. God is always here. God is always with us.

Another common thing I hear about Charismaticism is the talk of "going back to the church of Acts" and being "Raw" for God or even sins are labelled something fantastic like "Spirit of Jezebel". Jezebel is dead. Her spirit does not attack us till this day. Although it doesn't sound as glamorous, this sin is plainly called lust and it comes from the sinful nature of our natural hearts. All these things to me in my opinion are such hype ups and it glamorizes Christianity so people can be fascinated about it. It is true. There are many things that we need to learn from the church of Acts. But let's read further into the Bible. Is the church of Corinth and the church of Ephesus just like the first church of Acts? And if it wasn't did it NEED to be? No, we focus too much on one aspect of the Bible and glamorize it into something that people can believe in. When you go to Africa you see the need for a lot of Charismatic tactic in spiritual warfare because it is such a "raw" place. Black Magic, demonism, voodoo, and all these other spirits show themselves through demon possessions, blood sacrifices, chants, and etc. Satan attacks these people in a different way. In America another, and China another. Therefore the point I am trying to make is the fact that we don't need to go back to the Church of Acts. The church of Acts did the things that they did because of the spiritual warfare that they were facing called for it. I am also all down for being "Raw" and intense for God but I think it is more important to "Genuine" and consistent before God. I have seen more people come to genuine love for the Lord through quiet discipleships and Bible studies than I did in the emotion packed Revivals and screamings prayers of charismaticism.

In conclusion I believe spiritual gifts and passion for the Lord is more than important. It is a tool set of weapons that God gives us to lift one another up and protect ourselves from this Spiritual warfare that we are called to fight. It is real. I have seen it, but I am saying that it needs to be better understood and controlled. I was at a revival once and a charismatic girl was filled with the spirit and she started to speak in tongues and roll around the ground crying and praying. Then the music ended and lights turned on and it was time for the sermon. But she wouldn't stop. Some people see this and say "Oh the spirit is moving in her!" but its because immature Christians are too immature to understand that the girl is immature. Spiritual gifts although "raw" at first must be honed and grown. Just like a pro basketball player can have the natural ability to jump and shoot. The player must practice for hours and hours and unleash their natural talent. A mature Christian can be filled with the spirit and not show one outward sign of it at all, but have maturity to unleash it when it is needed. We need to understand that God is an orderly God, although untamed and able to do all, God works in order. He created the heavens and the earth on his schedule including even a day of rest, as if God needs rest!

So I hope as we all grow and mature in Christ, it won't be because of movements, gifts, or any outwardly shown actions. Rather its a deep understanding of the grace that we received. That even if I don't see one ounce of something "grand" we will still follow God. That even if our lives are crumbling around us and we don't "feel" God, the foundation of the fact that God has died for us on the cross is enough to withhold us and our faith in Him, that in HIS time he will deliver us. Let's be mature Christians who can harness the raw power that God has given us through the spirit to unleash it in the times needed, not need it in order to confirm our relationship to God.

God's Whip

When it was almost time for the Jewish Passover, Jesus went up to Jerusalem. In the temple courts he found men selling cattle, sheep and doves, and others sitting at tables exchanging money. So he made a whip out of cords, and drove all from the temple area, both sheep and cattle; he scattered the coins of the money changers and overturned their tables. To those who sold doves he said, "Get these out of here! How dare you turn my Father's house into a market!"


Sometimes I ask for it. No not sometimes...all the time. I have, ever since I was born again had times where I just push God to the edge and I know an ass whooping is on its way. When I was less mature in my faith I didn't realize what I was doing I was just angry, bitter, burnt out, rebellious, and frustrated. Just like a kid I stormed off, yelled, screamed, and said EFF YOU! Then God came and kicked my ass and made me realize that I'm a fool. I've gone through these stages many times and now I am mature enough to realize that God is just waiting. Waiting...for me to either come back quietly or because He loves me he's preparing the whip to bring me back.

People always think Jesus is Mr. Nice Guy. Mr. I love you no matter what you do. And He is. But this one passage always remind me of a different Jesus. There are two types of Anger. One type of reckless pure emotional and explosive at the moment. Then there is another type of Anger. The calm storm. The meditated. The decision to unleash the fury. This type of anger is FAR scarier than the first. Jesus shows this type of anger in this passage. After seeing the corruptions of the Jewish people Jesus doesn't just emotionally unleash. No he goes back. Sits there thinks about who is where, how he's going to whip them and hand makes a whip to get the job done.

 I imagine God like this sometimes. He knows that my mind and heart is going astray and he can come down on me any time. But instead he waits. Sometimes he whispers. He warns. But the further out I go. The more prideful and stubborn I get in the back of my mind I smile and worry at the same time. I picture God in heaven making his whip...but not out of anger but out of loving discipline. It's a weird feeling and mixed emotion. One of knowing that God will never let me stray too far and another of the fear of the whipping that is to come.

Lately things just haven't been working out. Little things as cloggin my toilet in the morning then forgettin my wallet and id at home and being late to work 1hr. It's just frustrating. I got my dining set that shipment was messed up on so I had to wait 4 weeks then it comes damaged. Things like that are just frustrating but I see these as a little signs from God letting me know that I'm far from him and that I need to go back. God...give me wisdom and discipline.